My gender and sexuality development

I’m writing this just to process a little bit what’s happening with me, and to document it for posterity, I guess. Read/comment if you’d like (: One of the things I’ve had to come to terms with in the last few years is my transness. Recently, I’m realizing it’s more complicated than originally anticipated. I … Continue reading My gender and sexuality development

You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

I was thinking about trauma and dangerous situations, like you do, and I also realized that in connection with some of that I’ve been trying to, in a way, reinvent the fucking wheel. A more accurate way to put it would be to say that I’ve been sliding away from a certain set of coping … Continue reading You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

A confused mess

My psydoc gave me Vraylar. It's one of the few things I've never taken before, and that's because it's a fairly new drug. I also know next to nothing about it, aside from the possibility of extrapyramidal symptoms. We'll see. I'm now taking four psych drugs, plus the laxatives to counter constipation side effects, plus … Continue reading A confused mess

Waiting II

It's ironic, to me, that I likely wouldn't consider myself disabled if I had the sort of access to medical care that more affluent folks in this country do and that people in other developed countries usually do. The United States is behind the times in a lot of ways; this is just one of … Continue reading Waiting II

Making it mean something

If there's anything that's keeping me alive at this point, it's that I want to make all the shit I've been through mean something. I don't want it to all be for naught. I don't know exactly how to do that. But I'm trying to figure it out, and I have to make myself believe … Continue reading Making it mean something

Just repress all of it.

Yeah, maybe that's not the best way to manage things. I tried repressing certain things for the last five years or so, and other things for other periods of time, some overlapping, some not. And so, recently, I thought about it and realized that, since refusing to face these things hadn't at all worked out … Continue reading Just repress all of it.