I was dying and you asked me what are you doing here? I really can't articulate how much this hurts. Dying was never this painful. Dying wasn't hard. It's the living I have to do now that feels unbearable.
I had therapy yesterday. We talked about how it's hard for me to finish a task once started. The general idea now is that there are two main reasons: ADHD and fear of failure. ADHD was a known problem, and fear of failure is just so obvious I'm surprised and embarrassed I didn't think of … Continue reading Fear of a Fucked Up Planet
being honest with myself about being partway male aligned and liking boys is actually super liberating. i’m honestly probably like 80/20 into femme presenting people versus masc presenting people, give or take, but i still identify as mlm, because that’s what i am, as much as a cis dude who is bisexual can adopt the … Continue reading
I’m writing this just to process a little bit what’s happening with me, and to document it for posterity, I guess. Read/comment if you’d like (: One of the things I’ve had to come to terms with in the last few years is my transness. Recently, I’m realizing it’s more complicated than originally anticipated. I … Continue reading My gender and sexuality development
anyway it’s national coming out day, apparently. totally snuck up on me.good timing, though. so i’ll take this opportunity to say i’m pretty sure i’m pansexual? leaning 90% toward women and femme presenting people but like. testosterone is a hell of a drug. i’m realizing i’m into dudes and masc presenting folks as well. i … Continue reading National Coming Out Day 😀
I was thinking about trauma and dangerous situations, like you do, and I also realized that in connection with some of that I’ve been trying to, in a way, reinvent the fucking wheel. A more accurate way to put it would be to say that I’ve been sliding away from a certain set of coping … Continue reading You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.
The one decision I would undo, if I could, would be when I decided to take Brandeis up on their offer of a partial assistantship. I would instead have accepted Wyoming's full tuition and fee waiver, assistantship, and the additional travel stipend they offered. I wish, now, that that was the choice I made. But … Continue reading So, you fucked up your life.