Before and After

I was dying and you asked me what are you doing here? I really can't articulate how much this hurts. Dying was never this painful. Dying wasn't hard. It's the living I have to do now that feels unbearable.

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Fear of a Fucked Up Planet

I had therapy yesterday. We talked about how it's hard for me to finish a task once started. The general idea now is that there are two main reasons: ADHD and fear of failure. ADHD was a known problem, and fear of failure is just so obvious I'm surprised and embarrassed I didn't think of … Continue reading Fear of a Fucked Up Planet

My gender and sexuality development

I’m writing this just to process a little bit what’s happening with me, and to document it for posterity, I guess. Read/comment if you’d like (: One of the things I’ve had to come to terms with in the last few years is my transness. Recently, I’m realizing it’s more complicated than originally anticipated. I … Continue reading My gender and sexuality development

National Coming Out Day :D

anyway it’s national coming out day, apparently. totally snuck up on me.good timing, though. so i’ll take this opportunity to say i’m pretty sure i’m pansexual? leaning 90% toward women and femme presenting people but like. testosterone is a hell of a drug. i’m realizing i’m into dudes and masc presenting folks as well. i … Continue reading National Coming Out Day 😀

You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

I was thinking about trauma and dangerous situations, like you do, and I also realized that in connection with some of that I’ve been trying to, in a way, reinvent the fucking wheel. A more accurate way to put it would be to say that I’ve been sliding away from a certain set of coping … Continue reading You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

So, you fucked up your life.

The one decision I would undo, if I could, would be when I decided to take Brandeis up on their offer of a partial assistantship. I would instead have accepted Wyoming's full tuition and fee waiver, assistantship, and the additional travel stipend they offered. I wish, now, that that was the choice I made. But … Continue reading So, you fucked up your life.