being honest with myself about being partway male aligned and liking boys is actually super liberating. i’m honestly probably like 80/20 into femme presenting people versus masc presenting people, give or take, but i still identify as mlm, because that’s what i am, as much as a cis dude who is bisexual can adopt the … Continue reading


My gender and sexuality development

I’m writing this just to process a little bit what’s happening with me, and to document it for posterity, I guess. Read/comment if you’d like (: One of the things I’ve had to come to terms with in the last few years is my transness. Recently, I’m realizing it’s more complicated than originally anticipated. I … Continue reading My gender and sexuality development

National Coming Out Day :D

anyway it’s national coming out day, apparently. totally snuck up on me.good timing, though. so i’ll take this opportunity to say i’m pretty sure i’m pansexual? leaning 90% toward women and femme presenting people but like. testosterone is a hell of a drug. i’m realizing i’m into dudes and masc presenting folks as well. i … Continue reading National Coming Out Day 😀

You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

I was thinking about trauma and dangerous situations, like you do, and I also realized that in connection with some of that I’ve been trying to, in a way, reinvent the fucking wheel. A more accurate way to put it would be to say that I’ve been sliding away from a certain set of coping … Continue reading You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

So, you fucked up your life.

The one decision I would undo, if I could, would be when I decided to take Brandeis up on their offer of a partial assistantship. I would instead have accepted Wyoming's full tuition and fee waiver, assistantship, and the additional travel stipend they offered. I wish, now, that that was the choice I made. But … Continue reading So, you fucked up your life.

A confused mess

My psydoc gave me Vraylar. It's one of the few things I've never taken before, and that's because it's a fairly new drug. I also know next to nothing about it, aside from the possibility of extrapyramidal symptoms. We'll see. I'm now taking four psych drugs, plus the laxatives to counter constipation side effects, plus … Continue reading A confused mess

Waiting (please read)

I feel useless. I haven’t had any income aside from the occasional donation on this blog since late July. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t get approved for disability. I can’t work an eight hour day. I can barely work one hour at a time lately. I’d love to be … Continue reading Waiting (please read)