Fear of a Fucked Up Planet

I had therapy yesterday. We talked about how it's hard for me to finish a task once started. The general idea now is that there are two main reasons: ADHD and fear of failure. ADHD was a known problem, and fear of failure is just so obvious I'm surprised and embarrassed I didn't think of … Continue reading Fear of a Fucked Up Planet


Waiting II

It's ironic, to me, that I likely wouldn't consider myself disabled if I had the sort of access to medical care that more affluent folks in this country do and that people in other developed countries usually do. The United States is behind the times in a lot of ways; this is just one of … Continue reading Waiting II

Making it mean something

If there's anything that's keeping me alive at this point, it's that I want to make all the shit I've been through mean something. I don't want it to all be for naught. I don't know exactly how to do that. But I'm trying to figure it out, and I have to make myself believe … Continue reading Making it mean something

Here goes nothing.

As I left Wyoming, I did my best to convince myself and everyone else that it didn’t bother me. And I think I was really able to believe this for a while, despite mounting evidence to the contrary. The reason I was able to believe it was because I’d convinced myself that everything would be … Continue reading Here goes nothing.

Hey, all. I’m still super broke and treading water, possibly for the next few months or more. Or however long it takes to get a decision on my disability appeal. So if anyone is able, please help. My PayPal email is nikhartsfield@gmail.com, and the donate link is https://paypal.me/nikh Thanks to those who have donated in … Continue reading