Why am I like this? (A serious question)

My therapist recommended that I read the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. I'm about a quarter of the way through it, and I'm feeling it so far. I don't want to be overly optimistic, but I feel like this book could change my life, if I do the work it suggests. Now I'm … Continue reading Why am I like this? (A serious question)

Fear of a Fucked Up Planet

I had therapy yesterday. We talked about how it's hard for me to finish a task once started. The general idea now is that there are two main reasons: ADHD and fear of failure. ADHD was a known problem, and fear of failure is just so obvious I'm surprised and embarrassed I didn't think of … Continue reading Fear of a Fucked Up Planet

You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

I was thinking about trauma and dangerous situations, like you do, and I also realized that in connection with some of that I’ve been trying to, in a way, reinvent the fucking wheel. A more accurate way to put it would be to say that I’ve been sliding away from a certain set of coping … Continue reading You’re asking why the pain is always equal but the joy just never spreads around.

A confused mess

My psydoc gave me Vraylar. It's one of the few things I've never taken before, and that's because it's a fairly new drug. I also know next to nothing about it, aside from the possibility of extrapyramidal symptoms. We'll see. I'm now taking four psych drugs, plus the laxatives to counter constipation side effects, plus … Continue reading A confused mess

Waiting II

It's ironic, to me, that I likely wouldn't consider myself disabled if I had the sort of access to medical care that more affluent folks in this country do and that people in other developed countries usually do. The United States is behind the times in a lot of ways; this is just one of … Continue reading Waiting II

Waiting (please read)

I feel useless. I haven’t had any income aside from the occasional donation on this blog since late July. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t get approved for disability. I can’t work an eight hour day. I can barely work one hour at a time lately. I’d love to be … Continue reading Waiting (please read)