My therapist recommended that I read the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. I'm about a quarter of the way through it, and I'm feeling it so far. I don't want to be overly optimistic, but I feel like this book could change my life, if I do the work it suggests. Now I'm … Continue reading Why am I like this? (A serious question)
I was dying and you asked me what are you doing here? I really can't articulate how much this hurts. Dying was never this painful. Dying wasn't hard. It's the living I have to do now that feels unbearable.
I had therapy yesterday. We talked about how it's hard for me to finish a task once started. The general idea now is that there are two main reasons: ADHD and fear of failure. ADHD was a known problem, and fear of failure is just so obvious I'm surprised and embarrassed I didn't think of … Continue reading Fear of a Fucked Up Planet
being honest with myself about being partway male aligned and liking boys is actually super liberating. i’m honestly probably like 80/20 into femme presenting people versus masc presenting people, give or take, but i still identify as mlm, because that’s what i am, as much as a cis dude who is bisexual can adopt the … Continue reading
I’m writing this just to process a little bit what’s happening with me, and to document it for posterity, I guess. Read/comment if you’d like (: One of the things I’ve had to come to terms with in the last few years is my transness. Recently, I’m realizing it’s more complicated than originally anticipated. I … Continue reading My gender and sexuality development
I'm just so cold. Somewhere, even now, there is sunlight, but here, there is only ice and snow and darkness. A blanket of white as far as I can see, and biting, howling wind slapping at my face. What have I done? The ground is frozen solid, and I let myself fall backward into powdery … Continue reading Wyoming Winter
Recovery is so weird. For me, anyway, it's weird just because when I have a slightly better day than average, I have to worry I'm sliding into a manic episode. And then I can think I'm doing okay as far as food, and something will happen and I'll crash right back down where I started. … Continue reading Ideas